10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

Do you ever feel like you’re talking at people instead of with them? In a world where our phones are always buzzing and our attention is constantly pulled in a dozen different directions, the simple act of having a good, old-fashioned conversation seems to have become a lost art. We’ve all been there: trapped in a one-sided monologue, waiting for our turn to talk, or trying to talk to someone whose eyes are glued to a screen. But what if there was a way to reclaim the joy and connection of a truly great conversation? Celeste Headlee, a veteran radio host and journalist, believes we can, and in her brilliant TEDx talk, “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation,” she offers a surprisingly simple and powerful roadmap to help us all become better communicators.

Everyone you speak with has something they can teach you. Have a conversation to figure out what that is.

Who is Celeste Hedlee?

Celeste Hedlee is an American radio journalist, author, public speaker, and musician (a classically trained soprano!) who has interviewed many guests over her 20-year career with National Public Radio.

Celeste has hosted the programs “On Second Thought” at Georgia Public Broadcasting and co-hosted the national morning news show “The Takeaway” and been a guest host for many NPR shows, including “Tell Me More,” “Talk of the Nation,” “Here and Now,” “All Things Considered,” and “Weekend Edition.”

Her 2017 book We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter is based on this May 2015 TEDx talk.

10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

Here is our summary of Celeste’s 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation:

1. Don’t multitask. Be present and in that moment. Put away your phone and stop thinking about other tasks.
2. Don’t pontificate. Avoid lecturing or stating your opinions dogmatically. A good conversation is a two-way street, not a platform for your personal agenda. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn.
3. Use open-ended questions. Ask “who, what, where, when, and why” questions instead of those that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” This encourages the other person to share more details.
4. Go with the flow. Don’t get so caught up in what you want to say next that you miss what the other person is saying. Thoughts will come into your mind – you need to let them go out of your mind without speaking them.
5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Don’t bluff your way through a topic. People will respect your honesty.
6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. All experiences are individual, and a conversation is not a competition. Don’t use their story as a springboard to talk about yourself. Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
7. Try not to repeat yourself. It’s condescending and boring, and often a sign that you are more focused on yourself than on the conversation.
8. Stay out of the weeds. Avoid getting bogged down in unnecessary details like dates, names, or exact locations that don’t add to the core of the story. Most people don’t care about all the little details.
9. Listen. Headlee emphasizes that this is the most important skill. Listening isn’t just waiting for your turn to talk; it’s about paying attention to what the other person is saying and absorbing their meaning. “If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.”

“Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen Covey

    10. Be brief and interested in other people. A good conversation is like a mini skirt: long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to keep it interesting.

Summary

The Lean East leadership development program (My Leadership Journey™) has an early session teaching Effective Communication as the basis of leadership in which we include some of the great points made by Celeste. We hope you found her TED Talk an “idea worth spreading.”

Please leave your comments and additional tips for having a better conversation below.